


Sh*t Terrans Do

by LeftShark



Series: Peter Quill and his Ravager Family [1]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Dad Yondu, Kid Peter, kraglin's just kind of there sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4796840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftShark/pseuds/LeftShark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yondu reflects on what it's like to watch a Terran grow, and all the stupid shit the Terran will do in his lifetime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sh*t Terrans Do

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiiiii it's late and I'm tired but I needed to write this okay you don't understand
> 
> my love for Peter growing up with the Ravager's as family is wAY TOO MUCH to be measured.
> 
> And I love the idea of Yondu and the Ragavers and them interacting with Peter (seriously. you should see the way i screech every time I see gifs and videos from the upcoming animated series.)
> 
>  
> 
> Unbeta'd. All mistakes be mine  
> •—•

Well, first off, they cry. Loudly. For hours on end. That's how you know that've got a strong pair of lungs.

And then, when they see you, they abruptly stop their crying (tears and sobs and all), look you up and down, wipe their pudgy little face, and ask "Why are you blue?"

Then they follow you everywhere, holding on to your hand and hiding their face against your hip when you approach your crew members. They become your little shadows and go whoever you go. They hide in the flap of your trench coat when your scarier looking crew-mates smile with their jagged teeth and chuckle deeply. They wake you up in the middle of the night by screaming as loud as possible when your idiotic crew members scare them senseless for laughs with stories of deadly monsters and whispers of "If you fall asleep first, we get to eat you." And they cry (again), and curl themselves up into a little ball until you come to their rescue and they can crawl off their bed and into to your arms. And you just gotta hold them against your chest and let their cries die down while you glare at your crew for makin 'im cry, because deep down inside your greedy, money-hungry heart, you've got a soft spot for children. Especially this messy haired, green-eyed, always-sobbing little thing that calls itself Peter.

Once they get comfortable enough to walk without holding on to your hand or jacket, they start leaving you behind to chase after your youngest crew member. They follow him everywhere, instead, assuming that they'll be easier to get along with because they're closer in age. They're right. They repetitively tug on his sleeve and smack his shoulder and cry out "Play with me! Play with me, Kraglin!" And the teenager stares down at them incredulously, then blinks a few times, then replies with "Yeah...okay," and abandons all his duties to play with a kid that's half his age.

Terrans are weird.

They squeal with laughter if you lightly trail your finger across the bottom of their bare feet. They're ticklish there. Also underneath their arms.

They also sing. All the time. And listen to music on a small, hand-held box.

Then they cry (AGAIN) when said box stops working because there's no battery power left.

And THEN, when they've nothing to do, they discover that they can crawl through the ventilation tunnels and explorer every part of your ship that they've never seen before. They begin to think that crawling through small tunnels is fun. They're small because you aren't supposed to crawl through them!

They like to get up in the high places where the gravity don't work as well, and every step is a leap, and every jump takes you ten feet higher than you were before. They cling on to the beams and pipes and giggle as you shout at them (kind of worriedly) to get down.

They discover that "alien food" doesn't actually taste bad, and then proceed to eat their weight in food every time they sit down for dinner.

 

And, one day, many months later, when you're trying to teach one of 'em how to fix the frozen gears inside of an engine, they'll unexpectedly and accidentally call you "Dad."

And when you correct them, and let them know that the last thing in the universe that you would ever want to be was their dad; they'd smirk and do it again and again. Because they know it irritates the hell outta you. But eventually you just give up trying to correct the giggling little shit. "Dad" becomes your second name.

And along with the second name comes the first world problems. The Terran's, of course. Because you don't have problems when you're the captain of an entire crew of pirates. You're too busy to have personal problems. But the Terran ain't; Which leads to you being shaken awake in the middle of the best sleep you've ever had by a pair of tiny hands and a whimper of, "Dad, it's too cold in my room! I can't sleep!" So you roll over, allow the tiny brat to cuddle up close to you, and try to fall back to sleep. But you can't. He won't go to sleep. Instead, he raps his small knuckles agains the side of your crest and asks "Does this give you mind-powers?" And you want to slap the hell out of him for bothering you, but you wouldn't dare hurt a child. So you opt for wrapping your arms around him in what he thinks is a hug, but really you're restraining him so all he can do is lie still and sleep.

One night, you'll be woken by "Look, my tooth fell out!" And that will alarm you until you discover that it's perfectly normal for a Terran's teeth to drop right outta their mouth when they're young.

 

Terrans are overdramatic, too. Do not ever let them complain about anything, because they'll do it for hours in a really loud and whiney voice and it'll make everyone wanna take turns slapping them.

When Kraglin, who just happens to be your Terran's ONLY playmate, gets his own ship, he decides he's too busy to keep the little brat company anymore. So the Terran bothers you even more than usual. They find amusement in making you mad.

When they turn 13, they are no longer the cute child you picked up off down piece of trash planet five years ago. They suddenly think they're grown. They've gotten a bit taller, but don't even reach up to your shoulder, and they still have a tiny baby face, but they think they're grown up and have authority. They begin to think they're entitled to, well...everything. They bite, too. Don't touch 'em, don't hug 'em, don't pick 'em up. They'll bite you. Or, at least, this one did.

When they're 15, they get DUMBER. You begin to wish they were still 13. You'd prefer arrogance and watching them try so hard to be independent over them pulling all kinds of bullshit. Keep an eye on them at all times here. Make sure you know where they are and what they're doing.

Or else; They'll run away. They'll steal one of your ships, miraculously get it out of the Hangar, and then crash it on some stupid planet. And then they'll curl up in the ship's bunk and wait for you to come find them.

When you find them, they'll cry. For a long time. For unknown reasons.

You'll find out four days later that it was because they managed brake their leg in the crash and tried to tough it out and stumble around like a buzzed dog. This Terran was really good at hiding his pain, though.

See, at this age, Terrans are smart and dumb at the same time. They listen to everything, and pick up useful information. But they never use the information for anything good. They pick fights with everything that breathes. They get angry for everything. They annoy the hell out of you even more than before. 

They think that it's a smart idea to drag themselves though the air vents with a broken leg, forgetting that they're bigger and heavier than they were previously, resulting in breaking one of the older/weaker tunnels and falling through...and right on to a table in the mess hall, somehow smashing it into pieces. And then they'll look around, eyes wide, and a very clear expression of "What the hell just happened?!" on their face for ten full seconds, then burst in to full on tears because they were not expecting that to happen. And you just gotta sigh and haul them out of the mess and threaten to knock their head clean off their shoulders if they keep doing stupid shit instead of laying in their bed and letting their leg heal right.

Of course, the idiot won't listen to a single word you say.

But at least they're still young. They'll still depend on you, they still kind of want you around, and they'll come crawling to your room in the middle of the night and bother you with complaints of "Dad, I can't sleep again."

They'll still call you Dad, though. And you should be grateful for that. In a few years, their vocabulary will change from, "Dad? Are you awake? I...can't sleep" to "Wake up, asshole. You're snoring so fucking loud and the rest of us can't sleep."

Because when they grow up, they stop needing you as much as they used to.

When they're 17, they grow. And grow. And grow. And grow. You don't think they'll ever stop. They get bigger than Kraglin (who is now your first mate), and eventually surpass you in height and muscle as well. There's a tiny fear that he could actually succeed in killing you one day. Just a teeny tiny one.

They're also dumb at this age, too. They try to hit on anything that looks relatively female every time you step into a bar. They make up ridiculous stories to try to woo the ladies who happen to be older than them. You want to laugh at him so hard, but then you remember that he's sporting a red jacket and flaunting his Ravager patch to the entire universe, and that's actually embarrassing on your part because you actually know this guy. But he looks like such a loser, standing there with the expression of a hurt puppy when his latest target strides away mumbling about how he was adorable but too young and inexperienced to know anything. You just can't hold back your laughter.

 

When they're 23, you think they've matured somewhat. Until they open their mouth and bitch and whine about not having their own M-ship.

"I can fly perfectly, Kraglin's been teaching me since I was 19! I've flown several ships without problem! Why can't I have my own!?" They'll screech. And, "Why don't you trust me! Im not some dumb kid anymore!"

And you can't give a good answer because the Terran brat is right. They're not a small child who needs to be held and protected from everything anymore. They've grown up. They can protect themselves. You don't have to have them under you watch, and you shouldn't have forced them to stay as long as you did. You just blow them off though, and walk away. The Terran IS right, though. Stop treating him like a kid.

A week later, you'll present them with their own ship. They'll grin and lean down to hug you tightly and thank you a billion times...And then proceed to give it a stupid name.

Who the hell name's their ship 'The Milano'!?

When they're 26, they go solo; They declare that they can be independent.

A few months later, they come crawling back home, out of food and money. So much for independence. But it won't matter to you, because your door is always open.

When they're 28, they leave for real this time. They stop by often enough, but most time is spent outside exploring the Galaxy, AWAY from the Elector and getting arrested on Xandar enough times to know Nova Prime personally.

When they're 34, they pull the biggest stunt of their life. They steal from you, lie to you, run away from you and send you on this wild chase across space and time.  
They nearly get themselves, you, and several others killed. Some of your crew don't make it. Some of them disappear and never come back. The rest of them wanna kill the Terran.

Then, they lie and steal from you AGAIN.

But, when they're 34, they also become a hero.

They risk their fragile life to save billions of people.

They stop a well known murderer from committing mass genocide.

They stop a madman from destroying an entire planet.

They become a Guardian of the Galaxy.

And while you're still majorly pissed off, you can't help but be proud. Somewhere, on that cold, greedy heart of yours, you're saying "That's my boy!"

Terrans do a lot of strange things...Things that will confuse you for the rest of your life. Sometimes you have to live with it as if it were completely normal.

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Are you satisfied with this piece of trash? (•—•)


End file.
